There’s one month to go in my Summer of Zimbra. I can genuinely say that I’ve learned a lot of things, many of which I never expected to experience. At the same time, I’ve been battling a desire to just burn out. I’m not sure why I never learned balance in my life, but if life isn’t moving at the speed of light, then I must crashing and burning. It’s really a terrible thing to do to yourself, but I’ve never really escaped this cycle. The past couple of days have been particularly difficult. Why?
1) Living Situation
I found the place that I was staying on Craig’s List. The place isn’t a dump. It’s small, but I have a room, access to a kitchen, and a bathroom. Internet works 3/10 times that I try to log on. I mean really, in the 21st century in a city like San Francisco, can you really expect any better? The real issue is the lack of communication between the people who live here. We all sleep within 10 yards of each other, and I think I’ve said 10 words to all of my room mates combined. Some are using the land lord as a proxy to get things done. Others are just never around. It’s just not conducive to a healthy environment. I think I let it eat away at me to the point where I was only happy if I was escaping the “prison cell”, as I refer to my room. Eventually that attitude really weighs a person down.
2) Frustrating People
I love the game soccer more than almost anything. I feel that I know the game at a pretty high level. I wish that I had the athleticism necessary to play at higher levels, but it just wasn’t what was meant to be for me. What really frustrates me is when others put themselves above the game. It happened to such an extreme at our match this weekend, that I actually stopped playing for about 5 minutes, and just bemoaned the inability of one of my teammates to do what was best for the team. That’s not what it should be about. It should be about stepping out on the field and playing the game that you love. For some reason, there is always that one individual who wants to take it away from you. I need to just ignore that person and find the beauty in the game that I love.
3) The Future…
I think that this bothers everybody. I’ve been thinking about my future a lot recently. I don’t know what’s best for me. That’s really frustrating. I know what my desired end point is, and I know where I am today, but there just isn’t a path that leads there. Every path curves so that I can’t see what happens over the next hill. Some days, those hills really find a way of crushing you. I think that for the last couple of days I’ve really felt like I’m climbing mountains with only higher mountains on the other side. But, you’ve got to keep climbing if you really think the treasure is on the other side.
Only one month to go…