Category: Uncategorized

Biggest moment #1 – Moving to California

The biggest moment that I can think of… the one that really defines all of the rest is moving to California.

I never wanted to stay in North Carolina. It was never going to be a big enough pond for me. Matt Davis was already out in California, and I wanted to join him, and then the two of us were going to take over the Valley.

I was interviewing like crazy.

I got to 2nd round interviews with Mint, first round with Apple, second round with Google, and I just couldn’t close the deal. I interviewed with agencies, hedge funds, and everything in between.

I read TechCrunch religiously, and applied to every company that showed up (well, every company at Series A and lower).

I was desperate to get into the ground floor, and ride the roller coaster to the top of the Silicon Valley dream.

After 20 some odd interviews, I walked in the doors on Tennessee Street, and convinced the TokBox crew to hire me.

I don’t think I was that good… I just think they were desperate. And sometimes that’s all it takes.

Shep got a job out in San Francisco as well, and we moved out together. My parents didn’t want me to have a room mate, but I didn’t want to be alone. Having Shep was huge for me. It got me through so much that first year.

And then everything else just falls from there.

Out of nowhere while I was reading my blog back log on Amplifize, I came across this blog post on Kottke.org. Apparently 1984 was quite an awesome year for music, movies, and the 1980s in general.

The article failed to mention that I was born in 1984, but I’m sure that will be added at the appropriate time 🙂

Up next are a few days where I dig into the biggest moments of the decade.

Then I’ll finish with two lists – the worst moments of the decade, and the best moments of the decade.

It’s been a really introspective time, and I’m really excited that folks have read it, have been a part of it, and I look forward to writing all of our stories over the next decade.

Holy shit we’re in single digits

This idea was contributed by one of my most loyal readers who has asked to stay anonymous. But he’s got a full list of great ideas that I’ll be using over the next few weeks. If you have an idea, then please let me know it!

How do you feel about being so much more privileged than most of the world knowing that you’re probably pooping in the water they drink?

If you know my anonymous questioner, then you’ll know that this question is straight in her/his alley.

The truth is that I didn’t realize this until very, very recently.

I was on Quora (I think), and the topic was why was the image for Human in Wikipedia the one that was chosen. The editor involved said when you think of the world’s population, then you realize that most of it is in Southeast Asia, most of it is below the poverty line, and that most of it survives on subsistence farming.

And that blew my mind.

Because I’ve never been in a situation where a McDonald’s wasn’t 10 minutes away. Or not having running water wasn’t a choice.

I then remember reading that the cheeseburger is truly a modern invention because you never could have all the ingredients fresh before refrigeration, global trade, and year-round growing cycles.

And it wasn’t that I wasn’t intellectually aware of starvation nor of drought & disease’s ability to ravage a nation.

It’s just that practically I didn’t realize how many people it affected. I didn’t realize how big of a lottery win it is to be born Caucasian, in the US, middle class, and never really needing a helping hand from the weather, the soil, and randomness.

And so the feeling that comes to mind is awe. I’m in awe of how lucky I am. And I only really realized it in the last few years.

Stunning isn’t it?

This past weekend we headed back to Asheville, and got to spend time with some of my closest, oldest friends.

I really miss NC. I haven’t made the kinds of friendships out here that I thought I would mainly because I haven’t found a way to make everything work. And the thing that’s suffered the most is building relationships in CA that don’t revolve around TokBox.

And when I get back together with this crew (and now the +1s that are starting join), I realize how great good friends really are.

They bitch with you about things that don’t matter, and there’s no need to fix it.

They tell stories about when you were an idiot, and how they contributed to that moment in ways that only they could.

They make you laugh, and cry, and think about how lucky you really are.

This weekend was a great reminder for me that you can go home, and it doesn’t mean you didn’t make it.

Gosh I love these guys. And because of this weekend, I appreciate the crew I have built in CA that much more.

Things to do better (Part IV)

Picking me versus everyone else

One thing my mom always got right was her observation that I do for others way more than I do for myself or my family.

And I think the imbalance has gotten to the point where it’s actually that I do nothing for everyone because I’m too focused on being a chicken with my head cut off.

And so, as I head into the last ten days of my twenties, the major area of focus for me is learning to pick myself, which will in turn make me better at work/life balance, being a good son, and being a better friend.

Or at the very least it will mean I’m running around in a panic a lot less.

Things to do better (Part III)

Work/life balance

I spend too much time solving problems at work that don’t move the needle. As a result, I feel like I genuinely haven’t stopped working for at least two years (except our recent Turkey trip where I didn’t check email once).

I think there are a few reasons for this:

1. I feel like TokBox’s story is incomplete, and as a founder of OpenTok finishing that story is my responsibility.
2. I feel like carrying the team to the level I want them to achieve is solely proportional to how I elevate them.
3. I have an epic trust issue compounded by an epic fear of failure.

But I finally got the feedback I needed, and the ecosystem of feedback has improved markedly.

As a result, I’m really going to focus on working smarter and not harder. I’m hoping the outcome is that I create work/life balance because my todo list is the set of items I make a difference against, and not just all the things we need to do.

Because I really don’t want to work at 1am anymore on email threads that I know don’t need me.

Which is actually hard for me to do, and I’m going to do it anyway 🙂

Things to do better (Part II)

Be a better son

I think that over the last 10 years, and especially the last 6, I’ve been a C- son at best. From my point of view, my parents have been equally bad parents. I think though that it’s time we all change that.

For me, it’s going to take a lot of patience, and putting in some effort towards being a better listener. It’s a weird time in all of our lives right now, and I think that we all lack the interpersonal skills needed to work through it. The change has to start somewhere, and I’ve unilaterally signed myself up.

I know that what I need to do is:

• Engage more, and on a more pro-active basis
• Be more forthcoming about where I am, where I’m going, and how I’m doing
• Give up some bad feelings, and start to forgive

From my parents, I’d love to see:

• More engagement with fewer rules, cultural expectations, and baggage
• Less problem solving – especially when there is no problem to solve
• Questions instead of assumptions

It’s going to be incredibly hard, but I think the outcome will make it worth the effort.

Things to do better (Part I)

Staying connected to friends

Since I’ve moved to San Francisco, I’ve been a C+ friend at best. A bunch of my closest friends are coming up to the mountains this weekend, and I’m lucky they aren’t the type to count phone calls missed, trips we didn’t take, and everything else.

They’re just genuine and honest, and I’m really lucky.

I’ve really stunk it up with my friendships in SF as well. I’m just constantly using work and the kids as an excuse to not make an effort to invest in other people. It’s wrong, and lazy, and, quite honestly, really lonely.

So this next decade I’m going to be better at friendships.

I don’t see the who changing very much, but I’m very convinced that the what will be much better.

Half-way through the countdown.

We’re flying back East tonight on a red eye to spend the weekend with friends from high school and college. Micky’s got the whole thing planned, and it’s all a surprise. Babies are so excited to go on the plane. I’m just excited to not be in San Francisco for a few days.

I’ll catch up with the questions folks have sent in since I’ll have a bit more time over the next few days, and then I’ll be down to about ten days to go.

And we’re off 🙂

Election night 2014 was an eye opener for me. Not because the Republicans success was a surprise, nor that the very left leaning propositions and amendments passed all over the country. But because I finally saw the beginning of the end for the two dominant parties.

Embedded legacies don’t die easily. The Democrats are the party of Thomas Jefferson, and the Republicans Abraham Lincoln.

Third parties have come to challenge them before, and failed in the process. Sometimes they were absorbed, and other times they were just defeated. But the theme was generally a niche interest that catered to a specific constituency, and then either fizzled out or went mainstream.

This time it’s different.

The two big parties have gone extreme. They now represent those niches and trendy issues that tend to fizzle out when theory hits reality. And they’ve left a gaping hole in the middle for someone to fill.

And so I think, though I have no idea how we pull it off, my generation will be judged by our ability to bring political discourse and national progress back to the middle, by how purple we can make the country, and how we undo 20 years of pendulum swinging, mud slinging, social media rage, and the death of compromise.

That’s going to be a hard problem to solve.